Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
