Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh god it's open bar.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
