hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
