I think im going to throw up on grandma
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
