So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
