Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
