Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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