I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
