all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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