her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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