he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
