your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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