So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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