i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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