i need an iv and a liver transplant
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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