went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
