i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
