I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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