The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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