belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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