all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
