Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
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The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
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I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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