Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
