barbara walters just said penis...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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