She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
