Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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