Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
