If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
