Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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