I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
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i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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