my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
