i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
