Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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