even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
