So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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