I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
