i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
