New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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