today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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