the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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