ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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