My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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