Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
