babies were throwing up all over the place
he puts the penis in happiness.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
