If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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