Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
