Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
