Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
