Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
