I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
