I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
