There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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