Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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