so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
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