If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
