wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
