he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
