this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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