SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
