Soap is not a condiment
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
