I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
