He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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