I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
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Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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