She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Terrible idea I love it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
