he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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